Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Where I've been and where I'm going

Where I've been

I think about where I've been on multiple fronts. Career wise I am very lucky to be doing exactly what I want to be doing. I really can't imagine another job for myself now other than being a healthcare consultant. Even if getting to this point brought along with it a mountain load of student loans that I will be paying off forever, I feel incredibly lucky to have had the education that I've had, and the career opportunities that come along with it.

On the personal front, I've been in one serious relationship that lasted almost 5 years. It was quite a roller coaster type relationship with incredible highs and incredible lows. The relationship ended amidst a ton of made for TV movie type drama that I would never have believed could have happened to me. This relationship ended almost 3 years ago now, and I recognize that I've spent the last 3 years recovering and hiding at the same time.

Where I'm going

I am in the process of looking at switching consulting firms. One job would keep me here in Chicago, while the other would require me to eventually move to Atlanta. I had a second phone interview with the Atlanta firm this morning, which I think went really well. The prospect of moving to Atlanta frightens me a bit, as it would be a huge change and I would have to figure out what to do with this condo in Chicago that I bought a year ago. But perhaps a huge change is what I need in my life. It would also get me to within driving distance of my parents in Chapel Hill, which is something I've wanted for a while.

In terms of where I'm going on a personal front? Well, I've known for a while that I need to get myself back out there. Since I don't have much luck meeting guys in my everyday life (probably has to do with my angry mean asian girl face, a topic I shall blog about another time), a reasonable option for me would be to get back into the world of online dating. I've done online dating before, way back in 2002 when it was new and crazy and friends were concerned for my sanity and safety. It's actually how I met my ex, so I know it can work.

However, I'm having a hard time taking the jump back in that pool. Given that I've gone through this song and dance before, I kind of know what I can expect. It's going to be painful. It's going to suck. Part of the reason I've started this personal blog is to be able to blog through this pain of online dating. At least when I'm sitting there on a bad date and wanting to poke my eyes out with my silverware, I can think about how funny it will be to blog about. Blog through the pain! With humor!

I'm not sure where I'm going to be living in 3 months. I'm not sure who I'll be working for. I'm not sure where my future lies in terms of relationships and if or when I will ever get married. But you know what? In a way that not knowing part, while incredibly scary is also kind of exhilarating. It's like I have this blank slate, a whole future that I can write and create for myself.

So you know what? I'm not really sure where I'm going other than going forwards and see where the road takes me. That's all I can do, right?

Amazing picture is of Stelvio Pass, an amazing paved road in Italy's Eastern Alps.

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